The bouncing ball

I'm kinda lost right now. I have come to a point when I have pause juggling the famous crystal, metal and bouncing ball. It seems that I'm lost thru time and space, when everything slows down and stops. The last time that I know is I have already lost my grip on the bouncing ball and its droping off so fast on the floor.

Its been almost 6 months now and 3 more months to go and our lives will be changed. There's a mixed feeling of excitement and worries. Worries that I should submit to the Creator above. I love my wife and the baby inside her but at times like this, when everything slows down and stops, for some reason which I also don't understand, I can't and having a hard time showing off to them. I hope they would understand.

Perhaps I'm busy catching the bouncing ball that I have dropped. Perhaps I'm too busy doing the provider role, making and securing the future of my family. Too busy that I have lost my grip on the bouncing ball. A classic example of a real failure. With the current situation and 3 months left, I'm facing a dead end. I'm not too sure if everything I have planned and hoping for to secure my family's future will work out.

The height of my career has reached its peak and its droppin off so fast. The business I have formulated and planned for is not as it seems to be working out (though its still on its making). The million dollar question would be: Should I continue this craziness or go back to reality.

Guilt and Fear

Guilt and fear… These are the factors that hold back my faith in God. I must admit my faith isn’t as solid as a rock. Its can be easily shattered by guilt and fear. Guilt of doing the wrong things and fear of the consequences that you have done may backfire on you. When at times the fear is great and had overrun my faith, I cry out to God; ask for His forgiveness and help.

Why am I telling this... simply because, we live on a modern world… we tend to forget that there is a Creator who watches us struggles in our circumstances. We are easily carried away by our feelings and regrets of the things that are happening around us. And if some point of your life you feel depressed, worried, lonely or searching for answers... look up in the sky... and you will find what you are looking for. ;-)

And for some reason if you have feared about backfiring consequences or God punishment, my advice... accept it, ask for forgiveness and learned from it. I like this verse:

My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child

Prov. 3:11,12, Hebrew 12:6 (TNIV)

The whisper

With all the things that are happening around us, circumstances that are uncontrollable and awkward "habits" that are threatening for corruption, makes me think and realize the real value and purpose of life. Thru weakness and sadness, I decided to search for it and somehow God had whisper the "starting point" to me.

That time, my boss, Sir Paul was listening to an interesting audio book that even some of the prominent personalities had read it (e.g. George W. Bush). I was curious about it and ask a copy of it then I realized it was Ric Warren's Purpose Driven Life, the same book I have heard long before to my college mates. Then I committed myself on reading it.

Thru Bro Harold (a friend and a colleague) initiative, the very essence of the book materialized thru Lingkod PDL Friday session. And now its day 34, the lessons and session are about to end... somehow it had change my life, my thoughts and my heart. I know its only the beginning... surely there is much more to learned and practice.

Special thanks to Ric Warren and Bro Harold ;) and most of all, to God our Lord.

Para Sa'yo

Lumayo ka na sa akin
Wag mo na kong kausapin
Parang awa mo na
Wag ka magpaakit sakin

Ayoko lang masaktan ka
Malakas akong mambola
Hindi ako santo

Chorus:
Pero para sau....
Akoy magbabago, kahit mahirap..
Kakayanin ko
Dahil para sau, handa ako magpakatino
Laging icipin, lahat ay gagawin
Basta para sau...

Hindi ikaw ung tipong niloloko
At hindi naman ako ung tipong nagseseryoso
At kahit sulit
Sana sayo ang kasalan,
Lolokohin lng kita
Kayat kung pwede wag nalang dahil

Ayoko lang masaktan ka
Malakas akong mambola
Hindi ako santo

Chorus:
Pero para sau....
Akoy magbabago, kahit mahirap..
Kakayanin ko
Dahil para sau, handa ako magpakatino
Laging icipin, lahat ay gagawin
Basta para sau...

Bakit nakikinig ka pa
Matatapos na ang kanta
Pinapatakas na kita
Mula nung unang stanza
Hindi ka ba natatakot
Baka ikaw ay masangkot
Sa mga kasalanan ko

Chorus:
Pero para sau....
Akoy magbabago, kahit mahirap..
Kakayanin ko
Dahil para sau, handa ako magpakatino
Laging icipin, lahat ay gagawin
Basta para sau...
Akoy magbabago, kahit mahirap..
Kakayanin ko
Dahil para sau, handa ako magpakatino
Laging icipin, lahat ay gagawin
Basta para sau...

(Parokya Ni Edgar)

Time passes by...

It’s been quite a while. So much had happened within my three months of absence on this blog. There are some changes that somehow that had happened which I'm not ready to face it but I was glad it had happened. Sounds confusing, yeah I know, but to those who have known it, you know what I mean. ;)

How am I right now? Let’s say I'm trying to make some new challenges in my so called life. Aside from that I'm trying to conquer my fear and loneliness too. Sounds dramatic huh? hehe, I realize that its were the fun and excitement begins, when everything you feared to loose it at stake, then you become more of what you are right now. And that’s the way it should be… hehe.

To those who want some scope in the office on our group, this is my statement: Everything that had happen and will be happening is just a part of a big vision. And now it’s just begun... changes will be inevitable.

Redemption

First time to post pics on this blog... let me see if these will work. Pictures were taken from my last redemption expedition at Mt Tagapo (formerly knowned as Susong Dalaga) Talim Island, middle of Laguna De Bay. Bro Harold and Co. decided to go up at Thursday night and put up a camp site at the foot of the peak. Some pics were taken on the break of dawn Good Friday.

	The peak... taken from the second highest level of the mountain.
	The camp site (with the veterans).
	At the peak around 6AM.
	Going down the peak.
	Some sceneries along the mountain.

All courtesy of Bro Harold… thanks bro!... for everything :-)

True

A friend of mine posted this “article” on her blog. Sadly to say I can’t make a comment on it on her site, so I’m gonna borrowed it (pahiram janice ha! hehe) and I’m gonna make some “comments” here at my blog (hehe).

The article goes like this:

If you were distant, I wouldn’t chase you.

If you wouldn’t love me, fine; Don’t expect me to come running after you. If you’ll hurt me, I will leave you. Even if I still love you, I will leave you.

Nearest exit… there. That’s where I’ll go. And as I take the exit, only with courage and support from my loved ones, I won’t look back. I won’t contact you in any way. You will miss me. You will wonder how I am doing while I struggle to move on; while I make myself believe that I am special, and that I do not deserve to be hurt.

And this is my choice—to move on and believe in myself. I’ll be strong. I’ll learn to love myself. I’ll win back myself and conquer my own fears and loneliness.

I will come out of the battle as the winner. Because of my faith. Because I am strong and because I am determined.

I am determined to move on with my life without you.

I choose the road where only the winners go…

And someday, I will bump into someone again. This time it’s for real.

And I love the thought.


Hmmm… it’s a nice piece of work… especially for a determined lady like you. Honestly I admired your courage and determination in moving on.

But for me, it doesn’t work that way especially if it’s been too long you’ve been together. Maybe because we have different experiences on it.

Within 7 years of memories, it’s hard not to look back and forget everything…for me, the least thing that I could do is to TREASURE it.

Sometimes it’s hard to walk away and pull out yourself on the rain even if you wanted to. ACCEPTANCE is the first key.